so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
