I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
