How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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