considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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