I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
