i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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