the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
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AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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