i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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