and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He felt like a one man threesome
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
