i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
