I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
