I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
