You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
