At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dicks are not precious.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
