Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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