guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
