I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
