At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
