So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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