im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
