we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
