i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
