My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
