I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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