youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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