You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
