ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
did i walk over a car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize