I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
