Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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