I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
