She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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