dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
