you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
