So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
