If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
