I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
