I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
