Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I still have a little drunk in my system
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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