Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
