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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
