I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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