that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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