just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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