I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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