She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
