All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
