Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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