His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
