Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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