Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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