my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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