I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
