took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
