So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
