respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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