you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
