Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
