Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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