...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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