Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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