it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
