If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
