This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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