I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
