We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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