Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
