weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
