I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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