Everything about him screamed your future.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
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how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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