Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
