I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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