Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
