His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i came on her dog
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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