I think my fart just growled at me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
