I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
