genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Please don't give away my fajitas
I forget how to act sober
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
