i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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