you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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