Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
